Silencing the Whispers: Faith Over Doubt in My Blogging Journey (Part 2)

The Joy of the Written Word

In Part 1, I shared my struggles with building a blog and the demands of blogging that I had no idea about, where I learned the hard truth that blog creation is not just have one put up.

There's a lot more to having a domain name and finding a hosting plan that suits the needs of my blog—and way more than just tending to the blog’s visual appeal. I shared all these in Part 1.

Thanks for sticking around as I share Part 2 of  "My Journey into Blogging."

Yes, I know that I love to express myself through writing, mostly because I love to read. It was a habit formed in childhood. I can still vividly recall the moment I realized I could read—it felt like a door to a new world had swung open.

It was fun to note that I was not just looking at illustrations but was also reading the captions below them. To no longer ask anyone to explain what the story was about is very fulfilling.

Reading was never dull to me, but wise use of time. 

When something is written in a way that moves me, it sticks in my head. I admire the author behind it. This admiration fostered in me over the years nurtured my passion for writing. 

There's something quite satisfying about putting words on paper whatever feelings or emerging thought processes fill me. When it overflows, then I know it was worthy of unleashing.

This is why we can relate to some songs. The lyrics were the outpouring of the lyricists' emotions.

I guess it’s also my emotional side that fueled it. And yes, I tend to delve deeper and see beyond what’s on the surface.

I owe it to this English class in college that taught us to look for insights into everything we would read, like to see things a certain way.

I loved that class!

The Question of Intention

Building this blog—

The site builder had to know more about the blog to better assist the site owner along the way such as suggestions that may be applicable.

So there, I went from one page to the next until I landed on the page where a set of questions were things such as:

• Am I creating a blog to supplement an existing website?
• Am I selling a product or service?
• Was it to boost sales or increase the PR (public relations) for a company?
• Or, was it for "Personal" reasons? 

Wrestling with Doubt and Impatience

For whichever one was picked, there were supplemental questions, asking if it was to "Promote self, or “Something else.”

I picked the latter for my answer. I wondered why "Self-promotion" had to be on there. 

With all these put to the side, one thing sat in the back of my head, I asked myself, “Was it for self-promotion that I started this blog?

Frankly, the more I dwelt in it, the more I doubted myself, feeding into this thinking that if there was someone to do this, it had to be someone else whose faith sits on a solid foundation.

I say this because my blog is about God in my life, and here I am still grappling with impatience, unsteady self-control, and a host of other things. 

It was a pretty uncomfortable feeling that I was in for days that I kept whispering, "Why even bother do this when I'm just another tiny speck on this vast Earth?"

So much of the emotions started pouring in as the enemy of the soul anchored the defeating thoughts in my head just so I would second-guess my intention—

Truthfully, even though my heart was set on testifying to God’s goodness, I feared it might look like I was just seeking the spotlight for myself. 

All that, because I have an unpublished novel and a second one in the works—a God-given inspiration. And I learned that having an online presence would help position aspiring authors.

The industry is not as it was before when an online presence wasn’t required or an advantage to get published.

Finding the Courage to be Shared

I began to see the reason behind all the journaling I did. I thought I just wanted something in writing to remember moments by.

As it turns out, there was more to it. They were to be shared. I just didn't know it at the time.

I am thankful I could share my stories. I am glad, at the same time humbled that people are finding my blog. I hope more people flock to my site and see the inspiration tucked in. 

Back to the pressing concern—I cannot be my enemy. So, each time the thought resurfaced, I convinced myself that somewhere down the road, God would make me see exactly how He sees my blog. He has to because if the blog offends Him, He will meddle for my good. 

Deep inside, though I acknowledge I'm just another tiny speck on this vast Earth—I remembered how a single mote of dust sparkles when it catches a beam of sunlight. I don't need to be big—I just need to stay in the Light.

God doesn't leave us in the dark for long. I believe this!

As part of the waiting for the day God points me to something, I had to continue building up the site by adding more posts to the blog since sharing stories was the intention, and I love the process anyway.

That's how I muted out the negativity that's wanting to infiltrate my mind. But it was a stubborn thought that I went through that cycle of being shaken emotionally every day.

Okay, so yes, now I got a logo!

Regardless, part of me clamored for a much more profound reason to support that thought, and until then I can brush off the negativity that wanted to continue cloud my thoughts.

It has to be compelling that it will negate the whispers in my ear that this blog was about self-promotion, that I’m not competent for the task, or that I am not the right person for this, given my shortcomings and flaws.

I would say that the lightbulb moment came...

Days later, I asked Jesus, as if He was by my side, some pressing questions—

• Why does He even send me things to ponder on and recognize Him in the center of it each time?
• Why did He even give me this desire to write, yet I cannot gift it back to Him?
• How do I make my testimony to all the goodness He does in my life without appearing it was an effort to promote myself?

I had been tormented days after the creation of this blog, bogged down with things only God can take from me. Yet, I see a trend here, the moments when I have reached my lowest point are the times when God comes to the rescue. This reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:10—

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The poem "Footprints in the Sand," came to mind here. I love the message that we can go for another mile and get down to the final miles in the race because Jesus carried us.

I was in my first year in college the first time I read this poem, and I was moved by it. Just how can we not love Jesus, and this is what He does for us—to be here with us to help finish the race?

I love it so much that I bought this “Footprints in the Sand” wall plaque on canvas when we visited the Christ Cathedral in Orange County last year.

A God-incidence at Mass

This made me smile. I cannot believe it’s all coming together in this post. Amazing! 

Sunday came, October 2nd. At Mass—

I thought God lifted off me the blogging issues I had when the lector read the second reading. It was on 2 Timothy 1:6-8, and I would like to focus on verse 8, which says—

“So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord,”

I could still hear the deacon's voice! That was a lightbulb moment for me! It was a message I wanted to internalized.

The best part was I had to be at that church, not at another parish on that Sunday so that I'd hear it. We go to one other church when our schedule limits us to go to this parish for the Mass.

Remember, I said in a previous post that I don't believe in coincidences anymore?

There is this term coined that a friend shared with me—God-incidence. I would rather go with this any day.

God reached His hand down to comfort His friend. So yes, I claimed that Sunday’s reading was God’s way to ease my mind.

Amen.

In Saint Paul's letter to Timothy, from the same reading on Sunday, he encouraged Timothy to use the gift that was given to him and to have the courage to do it. 

My! That says it all! I was smiling as it was being read. I thanked Jesus.

That being the message, I cannot blame myself for seeing it for what it was—a message for me. I could use it because it applies to my state of mind.

Though it was directed at all of us because God can impart the same message to everyone, and it will still suit the differing circumstances only proves our God is amazing! 

God knew I didn’t want Him offended by my blog. I asked Him many times to take it away from me, and I will obey. His will, not mine.

God is peace. Jesus brings us that peace, and uses every channel to make peace happen and for it to reside in the minds and hearts of His people. 

This blog forges a commitment, but I'm not going alone. It is for God to dictate how far I should go in continuing to do this. He will do the heavy lifting. The one thing required of me is obedience.

Walking on Capable Shoulders

My job is to continue to trust the capable shoulders of the Lord.

Wow! As I re-read this post before posting it and read the word “shoulders,” I recalled this one dream I had a few years ago. Jesus was carrying His cross.

In my dream, I was losing hope. I couldn't find my way. He told me, “Be patient.” I nodded in response.

Concluding this post— in the end, this blog was never about me. It was never about how my blog was taken, but rather, by what this blog has always been to God since its inception. 

I patterned this thought from Saint Theresa of Calcutta’s poem “Do it Anyway,” focusing on the last two lines.

Thank you for being part of this journey wherever you are in the world reading this! If the stories speak to your heart, I’d love to connect with you more personally. on Facebook.

Many blessings, Emilie

A Note from my Heart

I’m Emilie, a seeker of faith who finds God in the quiet pews and the divine surprises of everyday life. I write these reflections to invite you into a slower, more soulful way of seeing the world.